B'nai Mitzvah Preparation Schedule At A Glance

Appendix - updated 2010 Audio of the Torah Service

Congratulations! Your child will soon become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Congregation Beth El.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a beginning: the beginning of life as an adult. When a child turns 13 years old, he or she is ready to enter this stage of “responsibility” and becomes a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Being a Bar/Bat Mitzvah means reaching the age of Jewish maturity and assuming the privileges, obligations and responsibilities of following the Mitzvot, the commandments of Jewish law.

This period of training and preparation can be a time of growth and enrichment, not only for the student, but also for the family as a whole. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah should be treated as a catalyst in your child’s life—the time for grappling with ideas and identities, both Jewish and secular. It is a time that can have deep significance, and be of vital importance to your child’s development as an individual and a Jew.

Preparation for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah begins when the child enters religious school. It is expected that every child be enrolled in the Beth El Navasky Religious School or a Jewish Day School before and during his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah year. It is important to remember and to impress upon our children that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not the end of their Jewish Education but rather a very important milestone within it. Formal Bar/Bat Mitzvah preparation tutorials begin approximately six months prior to a child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah date and continue until the ceremony. A tutor will be assigned by Rabbi Fish and will contact you to arrange a schedule. All 7th grade students and their families are expected to attend a monthly class during their 7th grade year.  In addition, it is expected that all students continue their Jewish education at our Hebrew High School.

Congregation Beth El is an Egalitarian Synagogue. Boys and girls will celebrate their becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah on Saturday mornings during Shaharit services. Each student is given a Bar/Bat Mitzvah date occurring as close as possible following their 13th birthday according to the Hebrew calendar. Dates are assigned during the students’ 5th grade year and families notified soon thereafter.

THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH PROGRAM

The Bar/Bat Mitzvah program is individualized in order to prepare each student with the necessary skills and knowledge to enable them to take their position as members of the synagogue and the Jewish community. In order to participate in this program a student and his/her family must meet the following requirements:

Judaism – All candidates must be Jewish. Please feel free to discuss any issues relating to this with us.

Fees- All families must be members in good standing: Synagogue policy states  that all dues, fees and other financial obligations must be 100% fulfilled at least 6 months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah date. For the most current Bar/Bat Mitzvah feeschedule, please see Appendix B.

Jewish Education– All candidates must have successfully completed at least three years of education at Beth El’s Navasky Religious School immediately preceding the Bar/Bat Mitzvah (if transferring from another synagogue or school, equivalent years are accepted). If enrolled in a Jewish Day School, students must have completed a minimum of three years immediately preceding the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Ifthe student has graduated from a religious school program, attendance at Hebrew High is required. During their seventh grade year all students and families(Navasky and Day School) will participate in Beth El’s monthly Family Program with Rabbi Fish or equivalent.

Hebrew requirement -- Students must meet a minimum Hebrew requirement, as set by the Rabbi. If additional tutoring is needed to meet this minimum level, it will beat the family’s expense.

Mitzvah program-- A Mitzvah is one of G-d’s commandments. When one becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, he/she assumes the obligation of observing and performing the Mitzvot of Judaism. Since becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a “family affair,” we ask each family to participate in the mitzvah program together. This program consists of completing 13 mitzvot. The mitzvot all fall into 3 categories and the students will choose which they want to commit to. The 3 areas of mitzvot are related to the 3 parts of the beracha formula: Baruch Attah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech Haolam or Jewish Identity, Jewish Community, and the World at Large. The following is a brief description of each category:

1) Baruch Attah (Jewish Identity): The personal relationship between the individual Jew and G-d represented by the first part of the beracha formula (Blessed are You) indicates that some mitzvot are personal. These might include ritual spiritual mitzvot like wearing a tallit or tefillin or they might include gathering family stories.

2) Adonai Elohenu (Jewish Community): The communal component of the second part of the blessing (the Eternal Our G-d) will be expressed through voluntary work in the Jewish community. That community may be our synagogue or it may be in the larger Jewish world.

3) Melech Haolam (World at large): Our faith also extends to our work in the world at large. G-d is, after all, the Sovereign of the World. Work in this segment of the mitzvah program might be to encourage recycling, work to promote peace, or to volunteer in our local area to improve the quality of life.

Please see the Appendix for a detailed description of the 13 mitzvot and the contract to be signed by your child.

Shabbat attendance-- Shabbat attendance is necessary to thoroughly familiarize  the student and family with the Services and procedures of our Synagogue. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah student and their family are encouraged to attend Shabbat Services 3 out of 4 Saturday mornings each month during the year prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Of course, it is hoped that attendance at T’fillah (services) will be a part of your family’s regular life style. Please understand that familiarity with the prayers comes through exposure; it is only fair to students that they be given quality time to listen and learn. Very important - - Please arrive before 10 am so that you and your child will be there for the entire Torah service.

Tutorials-- Approximately six months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah date, each student will begin a series of individual meetings with one of our tutors. Students are assigned to a tutor by Rabbi Fish. Tutors will contact you prior to the beginning of lessons to arrange for a schedule. Each student is expected to study at home each day and to fulfill the assignments given. We recommend at least one half hour of study each and every day. Bar/Bat Mitzvah preparation is cumulative learning; it must be repeated and reinforced. Studying the day before the next lesson just will not accomplish the goal. We urge parents to carefully supervise your child’s study and preparation for lessons. If at any time during the six (6) months of formal training the student falls behind, the parents must provide additional tutoring at their expense until the student is on schedule. Parents will be informed regularly of their child’s progress. Approximately six weeks before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, the student will begin weekly meetings with the Rabbi to review all preparations and including his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah speech.

Continued Jewish Education -- It is expected that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student and family make a commitment to continue his/her Jewish education at our Hebrew High School, or equivalent. Remember, if your child approached you with the desire to drop out of public school it would be out of the question. Such is the importance of continued Jewish education for the development of a committed and educated Jewish adult.

BAR/BAT MITZVAH FEES

Preparation Fee: There is a fee for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah program. This fee is in addition to the regular Navasky school fees and helps to defray the cost of the tutoring provided to train the students, material fees, and other administrative costs. As noted above, costs of any additional tutoring are borne by the family. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah preparation fee will be charged to the membership account twelve (12) months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah date. The fees are subject to change and will be billed at the then current amount twelve (12) months before the student’s date. The current fee is listed in Appendix B.

Oneg Shabbat Fee: Your family will host the Oneg Shabbat after Friday night services. You may also choose to have Shabbat dinner at the synagogue after services. If you choose to have the dinner at Beth El, you must include a minimum of 20 members of our congregation in addition to your invited guests. Please call the office for more information.

Kiddush Fee: Please also note that your family will host the Kiddush following the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service to include a minimum of 80 members of our congregation in addition to your family’s guests. To clarify, even if you are inviting members of the congregation to your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah, you must add 80 additional guests for the Kiddush lunch. This will apply even if you choose to invite your guests to luncheon elsewhere, such as your home or a restaurant. Please call the office for more information. Please see Appendix B for Kiddush fees.

THE REHEARSAL

During the week preceding the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, a rehearsal is held with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student, the parents, and the Rabbi in the Synagogue. The rehearsal takes about one and one-half hours (1 1/2 hours) and is important to ensure a smooth flowing Bar/Bat Mitzvah day. The rehearsal does not replace the need to attend services on a regular basis.

• Photography-- You may wish to have a professional photographer take pictures to commemorate the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Please remember that no photography, professional or amateur, is permitted at the Synagogue or on its grounds on Shabbat. The facilities of the synagogue are available before or after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah day for taking “simulated” poses. In practice, most families use the time of the rehearsal for taking pictures.

• Video-- Professional video recording is not permitted in the Synagogue on Shabbat.

IN PREPARATION FOR THE SERVICES

• Food baskets-- In lieu of flowers, you may want to donate two baskets for the needy to be displayed on the bimah. The proceeds from the baskets are given to Jewish Family Services after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to purchase coupons for food or to support the programs and services offered by JFS. You may also choose to display flowers with the JFS baskets. Please call the office for more information.

• Religious items-- Your child will want to have his/her own Tallit and Kippah for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Any of the Jewish bookstores in the area will carry these items. The Beth El gift shop also has a very good selection of Tallitot at excellent prices.

• Invitations-- Any reputable printer can print Bar/Bat Mitzvah invitations in varieties of script, colors and designs. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah is an important transition into adulthood and how invitations are handled is a lesson in itself. In keeping with the spirit of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah please do not order your invitations on Shabbat. You may also want to include an invitation to the Friday night Kabbalat Shabbat Service on your invitations. It is important to keep in mind that Judaism is about community-building. It is very painful for an individual child to attend a service of a classmate when everyone else is invited for the festivities and they are not, especially when comments are made that exclude the individual.

Parents should speak to their child about proper behavior/comments in class and at a service or party. No one wants to invite a child who is offensive to their own child or who cannot be trusted. We as a shul and community can only make guidelines; it is up to each family’s conscience to enforce them properly.

BAR/BAT MITZVAH ETIQUETTE SUGGESTIONS FOR YOUR CHILD WHEN ATTENDING SERVICES AS A GUEST

1.  You and your child are encouraged to attend Friday night and Saturday morning services, whether or not s/he is invited to any social celebration. There are no cell phones or Blackberries permitted on Shabbat – they should not even be on vibrate.  There is no text messaging allowed on Shabbat.

2. When your child is a guest of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, it is appropriate for them to be present at least for the Torah service, including introduction to the Haftarah and the Haftarah reading.

3. All candidates or recent Bar/Bat Mitzvah students are expected and encouraged to participate in Saturday morning services. All students who have already become Bar/Bat Mitzvah should be present with their own tallit.

4. In order for your child to participate properly in the service, and to ‘be there’ for their friends, any ‘breaks’ your child takes from the service should be brief, and close to the sanctuary.

5. Proper attire includes knee length skirts or dresses (modest attire) for girls, and slacks with collared shirts for boys. Once students have become Bar/Bat Mitzvah, they should wear tallitot each Shabbat morning. Please review with your son/daughter how to sit on a raised platform. Short skirts, bare shoulders, and bare midriffs are not acceptable, and people so dressed will be asked to cover themselves before entering the sanctuary. We urge all honorees to be conservatively and appropriately dressed.

6. Our young men and women should understand that their behavior (both at the service and at the celebration) is a reflection on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah family, the Synagogue, the school, and their own family. When they conduct themselves properly, we can all be proud!!!

7. All men, regardless of their faith, are required to wear kippot in the Synagogue building. Jewish men and women may wear a tallit (prayer shawl) during appropriate T’fillot. It is required that all men and women with an honor wear head coverings.

TO SAY THANK YOU

Tzedakah- It is customary to say,” thank you” by giving tzedakah in honor of your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. It is very fitting and proper to make a contribution to the Synagogue in honor of your son’s/daughter’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Speak to the Rabbi for suggestions regarding which synagogue funds might need your support. We urge that you permanently inscribe your child’s simcha on Beth El’s TREE OF LIFE. For your convenience, a form is provided in Appendix F. Students should discuss their own choice of tzedakah recipients with their parents. The maaser, generally 10% of cash gifts received at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, is an additional way to participate in the community.

In appreciation of the Rabbi - Many families develop a personal relationship with Rabbi Fish during the course of Bar/Bat Mitzvah preparation. You may wish to include him and his family on your guest list. A gift to his discretionary fund or to another cause that you now is meaningful to him is a thoughtful and generous way to thank him.

Congregation Beth El Bulletin - If you would like your contributions to be published in the bulletin the month of your event, they must be received by the office two months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah date.

THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH SERVICES

The key element of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is for the student to be familiar with the design of the T’fillot (services). Our students participate in services on a variety of levels, some more fully by leading a large part of the Shabbat service and/or by reading additional portions of the Torah. If you have a question about the service, family or student participation (including participation of non-Jews) in the service please feel free to bring it to Rabbi Fish.

FRIDAY EVENING SHABBAT SERVICE

Friday night services are normally led in part by the Bar or Bat Mitzvah. As most of the educational effort is placed on the Saturday morning portion of the Shabbat services, determining what parts of the Friday night service will be led by the child may not be possible until the end of the process. Some children may participate in the Friday night service only by leading the Kiddush, while others may take on the full service. Friday night services are held at 6:30 PM and last about one hour. If it is not possible for the family to attend the service because they have planned a Shabbat dinner celebration for their out of town family, then the child may be asked to help lead on another Friday night  instead. –Some families choose to host a Friday night dinner at our Synagogue for their family and the Friday night regulars. The addition of 20 people to the meal adds only a marginal cost while at the same time is a wonderful model for celebrating with the community.

SATURDAY MORNING SHAHARIT SERVICE

Saturday morning services technically begin at 9:15 AM. Rabbi Fish will normally lead the Shaharit service. The Bar or Bat Mitzvah child will participate in the Saturday morning service, in most cases beginning with the Torah service. This portion of the service usually starts at about 10:10, but never begins before 10 AM. Noting this time on the invitation would be appropriate. (Possible text: “Saturday morning services begin at 9:15 AM and Josh will begin leading the congregation beginning with the Torah service at 10 AM”).

Prior to the Torah service, most families choose to present the child with a Tallit. This can take place followed by a simple hug, or the parents are welcome to say a word or two to share their pride in this moment. This is not an appropriate time for a big speech to be made by the parents.

Participation in the Jewish religious service of Beth El is, understandably, reserved for Jewish individuals. This includes all of the prayers in any form, whether recited in Hebrew or English. However, the presentation of the Tallit to the Bar or Bat Mitzvah is the prerogative of the parents of the child. This “time out” from the service is given to the parents to acknowledge their dedication in raising a Jewish child.

DETAILS OF THE TORAH SERVICE AND HONORS

Torah Service: The following is an outline of the highlights of the Torah service. In the months prior to your own simcha, you may take note of how other families handle this.

• At the beginning of the Torah Service, a procession of honorees will be led down the aisle by the gabaaim toward the bimah for the opening of the ark. This procession may include parents, grandparents and siblings.

• The ark is opened and the Torah is handed down from generation to generation.  Often, grandparents are included in the ceremony of passing the Torah whether or not they are to be ark openers. In such a case, grandparents are welcome to come up to the bimah during the Torah service as well, even if they do not march with the gabbaim. All members of the bimah contingent should follow the Torah off the bimah as the Bar or Bat Mitzvah child carries the scroll around the congregation.  Everyone is welcome to return to their seats rather than march through the entire circuit with the Torah scroll.

• Torah Readings – The student generally reads at least one Torah portion. Family members and friends are called up to the Torah for the Aliyot. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah family is given the privilege of distributing many of these honors to family and friends. Please discuss the honors with Rabbi Fish, as they are very detailed and must be approved prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. For example, our Synagogue prefers that a Kohen be called for the first Aliyah and a Levi for the second Aliyah.  The tradition then reserves the remaining 5 Aliyot for Israelites alone. This may not always work at a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, and Rabbi Fish will organize the Aliyot accordingly.

A list of all the honors appears at the end of this outline. For your convenience, a work sheet is provided for you in Appendix E.

• There are seven Aliyot every Shabbat morning, plus an additional one for the individual who will read the Haftarah. Of these eight honors, at least two are reserved for the congregation and these will be chosen by Rabbi Fish. This is a vital recognition of the role the community plays in the celebration of this milestone as well as the roles of more intimate family and friends. It is also our tradition to have the most recent Bar/Bat Mitzvah from our congregation receive one of these Aliyot.

• Please note that according to Jewish tradition, parents, children and/or siblings should not receive successive Aliyot to the Torah.

• At our Synagogue, both men and women are called to the Torah. If a couple is to be called together, please note that we permit only married couples to come up to the Torah. In the past, some honorees have had difficulty chanting the blessings.  We insist that those who are chosen for Aliyot be thoroughly competent to recite the Torah blessings, so as not to embarrass themselves, you, or our Congregation.  The music can be learned by requesting a tape and can also be found on www.tuftshillel.org/au-media-audio.html#torahservice.   Please discuss any questions or concerns with Rabbi Fish. A copy of the blessings may be found in Appendix J and also in Siddur Sim Shalom on pages 400 – 402.

• Family members are encouraged to learn to chant one of the Torah Portions in honor of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child. Please understand that the portion read from the Torah Scroll does not have vowels and takes significant preparation. “Cheatsheets” will not be permitted at the shulhan.

• Please choose a family member or friend to work closely with the gabbaim during the service to point out all of your honorees.

• Following the Maftir reading, the honors of Hagbah (lifting the Torah), and Gelilah (binding and dressing the Torah) are available for your family. Please note that there are often two torahs taken from the ark, depending on the week. If this is the case on your Shabbat, you may assign these two additional honors as well.

• Prior to the reading of the Haftarah portion the Bar/Bat Mitzvah presents a short speech or D’var Torah.

• Additional honors which the family has the opportunity to distribute are: A Prayer for Our Country (English) on page 415, A Prayer for the State of Israel (Hebrew) on page 416. On certain weeks a Prayer for Peace (English) on page 417 and the Prayer for the New Month on page 418 may also be said. Many families use Ashrei, Ein Keloheinu, and Adon Olam as honors too.

TO SUMMARIZE: The following honors are available to distribute to Jewish family and friends:

Five Aliyot for the family to distribute to family and friends.

Maftir Aliyah for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Hagbah- lifting the scroll at the end of the reading: 1 or 2 depending on the week.

Gelilah-wrapping of the scroll at the end of the reading: 1 or 2 depending on the week.

2 ark openers/closers at the start of the Torah service

2 ark openers/closers at the end of the Torah service

Prayer for the U.S. to be read in English

Prayer for Israel to be read in Hebrew

Prayer for Peace to be read in English – not done every week

Torah Holder for Prayer for the New Month- not done every week.

Please see the Appendix for the Honors Worksheet

A DOUBLE BAR/BAT MITZVAH

We at Congregation Beth El are fortunate not to have double B’nai Mitzvah at this time except in the case of twins. However, in the future, this may become necessary. Please be assured that we have done our homework and have been in contact with othersynagogues that do this on a regular basis. We have designed a general concept based on what we have found works best. Each set of students will be different based on their needs, desires, and abilities. We will work with you every step of the way to make sure that everything works smoothly.

BAR/BAT MITZVAH D’VAR TORAH

During the six months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah the student should research and write a rough draft of his/her Haftarah/Torah speech. The rough draft should be brought to the five week meeting with the Rabbi. Please remember to read and research commentaries on the appropriate section for your speech – either the Torah or the Haftarah - they are different. If you have any questions about which you are doing please contact us. The speech should be between three and four minutes in length and contain three main sections:

1. The history and background of the piece. (Who wrote it, when, what does it say?).  Research – The primary place to find information on your Haftarah/Torah is by reading the translation in the Humash. This will provide you with an overview of the portion and several commentaries on the bottom of the page. If you would like additional commentaries there are several places to go, such as:

• United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism website www.uscj.org. To find the Torah portion, click on” Learn Torah”. This will take you to a drop down list of many resources and commentaries to choose from.

• Aish Torah website www.aish.com. To find the torah portion, click on “Weekly Torah Portion” for a detailed description.

• Jewish Theological Seminary of America website www.learn.jtsa.edu and click on “Parashat HaShavua”.

2. What message in the parsha can be related to life in today’s society?

3. How does it connect to you and your life?

As this is a D’var Torah, a "Torah Talk," it is appropriate to focus only on these three sections. "Thank yous“ may be written out in the pamphlets or expressed orally during the reception.

SOME REMINDERS

1. All deliveries of food, baked goods, and gift baskets must be made to the Synagogue before 1:00pm on Friday. During Shabbat it is prohibited to remove any center pieces or food from the Synagogue.

2. Please remind your guests that smoking, photography, writing, and the use of audio or video recorder, are not permitted in the Synagogue or on the Synagogue grounds on Shabbat. Also, please ask your guests to turn off all cell phones, Blackberries and pagers. There is no texting allowed on Shabbat.

3. Candies are not encouraged to be tossed at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah because of the possibility of personal injury. If your family should choose to throw candy, you must adhere to the following rules: The candy may be thrown only from the first two rows of the sanctuary and the candy must be kosher and soft. Please call the office to find out which candies are permitted.

4. If you plan to provide a hospitality basket in the ladies’ room, please make sure not to include such non-Shabbat items as: sewing kits, pens, pencils, etc.

5. If you are having a significant number of non-Jewish guests, a booklet with explanations of the service is a nice way to help them feel more comfortable. Examples are available from Rabbi Fish.

6. Please remember that your child is leading services as a Bar/Bat Mitzvah in celebration of their entering into the adult Jewish community. We know that the details of planning a Bar/Bat Mitzvah can sometimes feel overwhelming but hope that you will keep in mind the intent of the simcha. If you have questions or concerns of any kind please feel free to bring them to our attention.

CELEBRATING THE SIMCHA (RECEPTION)

There is no “right” way to approach the manner of celebrating a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The kind/amount of activities and food which are provided to guests is the choice of each family. We would only hope that your celebration will reflect the occasion—that the luncheon/dinner/party honors your 13 year old son/daughter who has just participated in a sacred religious ceremony. Please consider using our Social Hall for your party.We have linens, dishes and silver that you may use. Please contact the office for more information and availability.

Friday Night Oneg– Your family will sponsor the Oneg Shabbat following Friday night services in honor of your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Please speak to the office for more information. You may wish to have Shabbat dinner in the Social Hall following services. If you plan a Friday night dinner at Beth El, please include 20 members from our congregation at your dinner in addition to your invited guests. These 20 congregants are in addition to the friends and family you are inviting, even if you are planning to invite members of our Synagogue. If you have any questions, please contact the office.

Saturday Kiddush– Your family will host the Kiddush following Saturday morning services in honor of your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah, even if you are planning a luncheon elsewhere. Please remember your child is celebrating his/her Bar/Bat Mitzvah as a part of the community. If you are planning a luncheon outside the Synagogue, you must still provide the Kiddush at Beth El for 80 congregants. If you are hosting the Kiddush luncheon at Beth El, please include 80 additional congregants, even if your invited guests include members of our Synagogue. Please speak to the office for more information.

THE RECEPTION

Your reception can be held Motzei Shabbat (Saturday night), Sunday afternoon or evening, or several other times. Remember, a successful party begins by incorporating Judaism. If your simcha is on Motzei Shabbat (Saturday evening) plan on beginning it with Havdalah and please remember that parties should begin after Shabbat concludes. As education is an essential part of the Bar/Bar Mitzvah experience, parties should not be planned during Navasky Religious School hours. Entertainment should be in keeping with the values of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. A Las Vegas Night may not be the most appropriate of themes. Please remind DJ’s that certain songs are inappropriate for B’nai Mitzvah receptions. The Rabbi will regretfully decline your kind invitation to any party that is held outside the Synagogue on Shabbat. He will make every effort to attend parties held on Saturday evening after Shabbat, or Sunday, provided the food served meets kosher dietary requirements.  When choosing outfits for your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah as well as for those that he/she will attend please keep in mind that this is a celebration of their coming of age in Judaism and that their clothing should be in good taste with a reasonable amount of modesty.